I got sunburnt moving flats

Running through the meadows with a bag of frozen fish

I was not going to let it melt and waste thirty quid.

I met a friend.

I’d never seen her in a t-shirt

I only knew her in the winter

When rain hammered our umbrellas

And sleet washed away all the tears

We were trying to hide.

So much has happened in a year of trying to stay afloat

So many words

Jammed in my throat

They came out as illness

And self-hate

And pure panic

And putting down kind people

To make me look good.

Disgusted at myself

For doing all the things that disgust me.